Daddy blogger

Many people (OK, one person) have asked me if I would become a daddy blogger. I’ve been hesitant up until now. I didn’t want to include too much personal subject matter in the driftless area or patternless area. And it’s been hard to articulate all that’s happened in the past fourth months.

Besides, I didn’t want the Bjorn company to ply me with gifts and favors just so I would endorse their carrying devices. (Dear Bjorn people: I prefer the Original Classic model for its strong back support and sturdy buckles.)

I thought one blog approach might be to document some of the things I’ve learned since becoming a parent. I preface this by saying that this is what my experience has been like and I have no idea if it’s typical. The first thing you learn in going through this is that every experience is different—from pregnancy to labor to birth to baby and beyond. The minute you learn you might be a parent, you must check your expectations and judgments at the door. So here we go.

Probably the first thing I learned was how to be tired. And even that I haven’t fully learned yet. Thankfully, I had few duties outside of daddying in the early phases, so an upside-down sleep schedule was mostly OK. It’s incredible how a newborn engulfs your life—every minute of the day really. But still, on most occasions, her cries led me to spring up in even the most tired times. This takes on a new dimension when a 9-to-5 job is in the picture. The key is taking every opportunity to ingest sugar, caffeine and banned stimulants (the latter is a joke).

Putting aside your desires is something I’ve struggled with. At times, it’s easy—if there’s an emergency diaper change or spit up for example. But when the house is a mess, I’m just home from work and hungry and thirsty, it can be challenging to set everything aside and simply hold baby. This leads to becoming an expert at daydreaming, or a form of meditation, because there’s nothing else to do.

This also leads to a skill I’ve learned lately: one-handed cooking. I don’t think this is doctor recommended. But I can fix pasta, salads and grilled meats with the best of them. All while keeping the girl well away from flames, ovens and propane.

One of the things that concerned me pre-baby was taking care of basic life skills. I perceived bathing, diapering, dressing and feeding as really complicated. I mastered diapering and dressing at the hospital. Bathing and feeding were soon to follow.

One other surprising skill of late is not making eye contact. For weeks, we did all we could to get the baby’s attention, her focused gaze being a delightful achievement. As we try to sleep-train her, or get her to calm down in the car, it’s best to stare straight ahead woodenly. Last night, I actually ducked under her crib after putting her down, for fear of eye contact that could lead to further crying.

You also learn that all this craziness is rewarded with great joys. And in many ways, it's all going by way too fast.